How to convince anyone of anything

We here at Short Bus TV often find that the morale among our cast is low at times. Complaints run rampant and it seems like almost every day we have to hear stuff like "Why should I be the one to get set on fire?" and "My name is Danny, and I'm a little pussy who won't fall down stairs even though it's funny"

So with that in mind we put our most expensive, outsourced writers in a room and had them create a motivational guideline.

So without further ado, Short Bus TV proudly presents the guide to raising morale like a boss!

The Tetris Killer

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Witness the murder case of the century! We The People vs The Tetris Killer!

It was a tough year but we made it!

Someone sent me this email the other day and I thought it was rather funny and decided I'd share it. 


It was a tough year but we made it! But not everyone is as lucky as we are......

• The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
  
• I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
  
• CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
  
• If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds" you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them.
  
• Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
  
• McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'.
  
• Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their childrens' names.
  
• A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
  
• Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
  
• Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
  
• The Mafia is laying off judges.
  
• BP Oil laid off 25 congressmen.
  
• Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh, great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!

And finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.